Not defeated.

Dear Diary,

My latest lab work is in, did you see them?  I reviewed the results with the doctor, did you hear?  I feel defeated, did you know?

Before I knew it, I forgot all about the progress made over the last 20 or so months and dove into despair.  I ignored the seven pages of great results and zoned in on the one not so good.  I think I would have been o.k. if something I already knew was a problem was still a problem or a worse problem.  I had not prepared myself for a new thing to be wrong.

In fact, I have spent these months trying to help my body heal from all these little problems so they will all go away and I can be perfectly healthy.  I did not expect a new thing; a different thing.  I only accept improving things; better things.

But here we are.  Hashimoto’s.  There, I have it.  Maybe the most common diagnosis in our country today and millions of people have it.  I did not have it.  Now I do have it.  I don’t want it and the additional possible complications that come with it.

Now, what does it mean really?  Probably nothing.  I am already medicated and medicated “appropriately”.  In fact, this was the big test to see if the lower dosage was still applicable and it is.  I get to keep it and not have it raised.  That’s a victory.

And I have had many victories and each one is important and meaningful and all of the praise and glory goes to God.  And this little distraction is just that.  A distraction.

I have got to get my head back in the game.

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