So……..one more thing about that doctor’s appointment. We talked meds.
More specifically, adding a medication. Two and half years ago, I swore off all over the counter and prescription medications unless of course it was vital. I have been faithful to that decision so adding a new med is the opposite of that.
I have experienced many victories in my health these last few years. The sacrifices made and effort put forth have been worth it. But the journey has been long and I am getting tired. As much as some things have improved, the pain has this year has increased; the Fibromyalgia more present. The stress of that too begins to wear on you physically, mentally and emotionally.
The physician surprised me when he asked me – what if this pill changes the quality of your life? What are you trying to prove? Do you realize it is o.k. to accept some help?
This started a downward spiral of inner turmoil and questioning. I said I would not. That would be a step backwards. Does that make me weak? I did all this work and expected a different result. I think I should further along.
I was so fortunate to have both my medical and natural doctor to talk this over with and that both prayed with me. It was timely that I was visiting with a few of my close friends to whine to and be encouraged. And when I laid it all on the table to my husband, he validated my concerns and suggested I take a pill now, perhaps lick one as soon as possible.
All of this might seem like nonsense but for me it is revealing. It has shown me that my struggle I have isolated myself when there are people who do care about me that eagerly support me when invited. It has confirmed that as hard as I am on others, I am much harder are myself. As one of my friends said to me, “you truly unrealistic expectations for yourself”. And she is right.
I have started my new medication and I am dealing with the effects it has as my body adapts to it. Some of areas I experience the most pain have already improved and I look forward to feeling better and better with each day.
This late in life I boldly say, accepting help is not weak. I am not weak.