Dear Diary,

So……..one more thing about that doctor’s appointment.  We talked meds.

More specifically, adding a medication.  Two and half years ago, I swore off all over the counter and prescription medications unless of course it was vital.  I have been faithful to that decision so adding a new med is the opposite of that.

I have experienced many victories in my health these last few years.  The sacrifices made and effort put forth have been worth it.  But the journey has been long and I am getting tired.  As much as some things have improved, the pain has this year has increased; the Fibromyalgia more present.   The stress of that too begins to wear on you physically, mentally and emotionally.

The physician surprised me when he asked me – what if this pill changes the quality of your life?  What are you trying to prove?  Do you realize it is o.k. to accept some help?

This started a downward spiral of inner turmoil and questioning.  I said I would not.  That would be a step backwards.  Does that make me weak?  I did all this work and expected a different result.  I think I should further along.

I was so fortunate to have both my medical and natural doctor to talk this over with and that both prayed with me.  It was timely that I was visiting with a few of my close friends to whine to and be encouraged.  And when I laid it all on the table to my husband, he validated my concerns and suggested I take a pill now, perhaps lick one as soon as possible.

All of this might seem like nonsense but for me it is revealing.  It has shown me that my struggle I have isolated myself when there are people who do care about me that eagerly support me when invited.  It has confirmed that as hard as I am on others, I am much harder are myself.  As one of my friends said to me, “you truly unrealistic expectations for yourself”.  And she is right.

I have started my new medication and I am dealing with the effects it has as my body adapts to it.  Some of areas I experience the most pain have already improved and I look forward to feeling better and better with each day.

This late in life I boldly say, accepting help is not weak.  I am not weak.